What's your favourite...?

Someone asked me what my favourite genre of music was the other day, and I didn't know how to answer the question. When you experience such drastic change in moods it's had to hold a consistent opinion about something.

I have noticed that depending on my mood I feel differently about lots of things; my taste in music, food, art, movies and even clothes changes. I like to wear different make up, do different things and even shower in different temperature water.

Looking back pre-diagnosis, this explains a lot, why its was that I could love something one day and hate it the next. It makes sense though, when I'm feeling depressed of course I don't want to wear bright clothing listen to loud energetic music or paints with vibrant colours, my opinion on things fits within the lens with which I am currently viewing the world.

The idea of viewing the world through rose tinted glasses has never seemed more applicable.

When I am depressed, I enjoy rock music and sad songs, prefer to eat savoury food and dress in more monochrome colours. I am seeing the world with a grey lens with a cloud over my head. Having bright colours would be like opening the curtains when you have a migraine, jarring and uncomfortable. It's okay to need things that make you feel comfortable when you are struggling. Sometimes, I have believed that perhaps I am self-sabotaging by listening to moody music or only wanting to watch thrillers, and conceivably this could be true, however, it would be unrealistic for me to expect to like the same things as when I am hypomanic or even stable. It's like when you are sad, its a cliche to watch a romantic comedy and eat ice cream, these are things that are generally only associated to a specific mood, therefore, if you are spending a period of time at a low point it is unsurprising that we develop tastes that feel comforting and familiar to this specific view on life.

When I am hypomanic, I enjoy pop music and enjoy eating sweet food, dressing in bright colours and experimenting with fashion, I can spend hours creating new and exiting make-up looks rather than just walking on the first mascara I can find in my draw. I am seeing the world in a kaleidoscope, dark, monochrome colours are unadventurous and boring. As someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II I spend more time depressed than hypomanic, and as a result at the times where I am hypomanic I want to take advantage of the bright and exiting world take fashion risks, try new foods and express myself creatively, I am driven to learn new instruments and try new activities. Although, a lot of this drive is part of my symptoms, I am optimistic and excited to try new things.

When my mood is stable, I enjoy a combination of these things. It can be difficult to distinguish what is my opinion and what is brought on by my Bipolar Disorder; rather than choosing favourites, I have decided to accept that all of these opinions are mine and that although Bipolar Disorder is hard and difficult, one positive is that I can experience a range of different things through my emotions.

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